Our Loss, Heaven's Gain Part 2

I have been trying to write this blog post since May. The right words never came. It’s been one year since we lost him. The pain has never gone away.

On Friday, May 14, 2021, my grandfather was laid to rest at his final resting place in Hackett Cemetery in Price County, Wisconsin. He was laid to rest next to the love of his life, my grandmother. Life won’t ever be the same without him, or her. But they’re at peace. Together once again.

They brought me my love of travel. They brought me, and my sister, to many amazing places. Local to where they lived or far away for adventures. They’re travel was limitless. One of the summers of the early 2000’s, we were on the west coast one month and the east coast the next.

My favorite trips and the ones I will remember the most were the ones we took to Sault Ste. Marie in the upper peninsula of Michigan. We’d stay in my grandparents tent camper, right along the water. Our favorite things to do were to watch the ships go through on their way to the locks. We’d have our binoculars in hand and search for the names. Names we always wrote down.

To this day, I always have to write down names of ships that I see. I mainly see the ships in either Duluth or Two Harbors. I haven’t been to Sault Ste. Marie since I was a kid. One day I’ll get back there. With my own tent camper and stay right along the water. And write down those ship names.

When they still lived in Prentice, we’d visit for a week or two at a time. Every time we stayed, we’d always visit Timm’s Hill outside of Ogema. It’s a county park that has a tall observation tower that overlooks Wisconsin for miles. It will always be one of my favorite places in the world.

My mom and I had the opportunity to visit the cemetery on October 16 this year. About eleven days before the one year anniversary of this death. On the way back home, we stopped at Timm’s Hill and climbed to the top of the observation tower. It’s still as amazing as I remember. You could still see Wisconsin for miles.

The last time I had been there was before they moved to Michigan in the early 2000’s. It may have been windy on the 16th, but the sky was blue with big fluffy clouds. The leaves may have peaked already, but it was still beautiful in its own right.

I still miss him everyday. The days didn’t get easier as the anniversary of death got closer. But I know he’s watching over me. Watching every step I make and encouraging me to be a better person each and everyday. I still live with regret that I didn’t see him more often in the midst of this crazy life. But I’m seeing signs that tell me that it’s okay I didn’t. It hurts, but I know that he is in a better place. I know that one day, I will see him again. When that is, I don’t know. But I will live everyday making him proud of the person I’ve become. Make them both proud.

Fear

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said during his inaugural address on March 4th, 1933 that, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” He originally said this as a declaration of war against the Great Depression. To me, it’s declaring war against myself. I oftentimes let the things that scare me affect what I do. If a task scares me, I won’t start it, or if I do start it, I don’t complete it. I can’t let things scare me anymore.

Saturday, July 24th, I went back to Tettegouche State Park. I did the hike to High Falls, this time from the main parking lot. I was lucky enough to find a spot and I knew when driving past the trailhead on Highway 61, that there would be no space to park by it. So the main parking lot was it.

In all honesty, it wasn’t that far to hike from the main lot, maybe two hundred feet. I’m not that great with distance unless I have a map telling me how far it is. Either way, it wasn’t much farther to hike than I would have if I parked next to the trailhead.

I made it to High Falls with less breaks than on July 3rd. The temperature was the same, but I felt a little more conditioned. This time, however, I wore a swimsuit. Better yet, I brought water shoes! Do you think the water shoes helped on the slippery rocks? Not a chance. Did I go swimming anyway? Absolutely! My goal on this trip was to swim up to the waterfall. Did I accomplish it? Or did I chicken out? I guess you’ll have to read on and see.

I gingerly started walking in the water, being especially careful after last time. I may have been attempting to be careful of the crayfish also. I was invading their natural habitat you know. At one point in time, I felt like crayfish bait. I had about ten of them surrounding me! It was so awesome! But crayfish aren’t the main star this time.

I was trying to figure out a way around the crayfish without stepping on them. I was also trying to convince myself that I could swim to the waterfall. I ended up leaving the river to get water because I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know if I would be ready. I picked up my water bottle and saw something moving in my peripheral vision. As I went to get a closer look, I noticed it was a snake! He was slithering straight towards my backpack! Alas, he slithered away, he wouldn’t have liked my home anyway. I got my drink of water, but then I noticed something.

There was a couple trying to take pictures of themselves with their cellphone with the waterfall in the background. I was only planning to use my GoPro for the day, but I always have my camera with me just in case. So, I approached the couple and asked if they would like me to take some images and they let me! They are pictured below, I’m happy with how they turned out.

Once I completed the portraits, I headed back in the water. I was trying to game plan on how I was going to swim to the waterfall. I had my GoPro in hand, well it was strapped around my wrist as well. Either way, it was secure and wouldn’t go anywhere. Don’t worry, it’s waterproof and I had my floaty case on it and the floaty handle connected to it. Anyway, I just decided to go for it and I swam.

Now, I am not the best swimmer and as I got closer and closer, the current got stronger and stronger. I was wearing my contacts and the water was splashing against my face. Between the water splashing my face and the current, I got nervous, so I backed off. I didn’t know how to proceed after that. I got to where I could stand and started game-planning once again. I saw other people swimming at the waterfall, why couldn’t I?

That’s where fear plays a factor. I was scared. I am a planner. When I plan, I think of every possible way it could go wrong. The current was strong and I’m not the greatest swimmer, so what if I drowned? But you know what? I tried again anyway. This time I went around.

I ended up clinging to the rock face with my hand just to the side of the waterfall. The current was strong there too. There was no way I was going to make it through the current from the side. There was just no way. So I got some really cool up-close footage from that vantage but then swam away once more.

I got back to the middle where I could touch the ground and stared at the waterfall. And then I went for it, I swam. I just kept swimming. When the current got stronger, I just pushed that much harder. Water was splashing into my eyes, I had to keep them closed. I only opened them briefly to see where I was. But then I felt it. I felt the rock face under my hand and I felt the water just pelting down on me from the waterfall. I made it! I actually made it! I clung to the rock for dear life, but I made it!

It’s hard to describe what it felt like. The only way to know is to experience it yourself. All I can say is, it was amazing. The water beating down on you, from sixty-three feet above you, was an experience like no other. Yes, sixty-three feet! It was a life-changing experience that I will cherish forever. It was freeing. At that moment, nothing in my life was bothering me. I was enjoying the moment for the moment.

So live for the moment. Live for any moment. Big or small. You never know what is going to come your way. So don’t let fear stand in the way. You will never regret it. I will never regret this.

Bucket List

I had originally started another blog about fear, but I feel I need to write this one as a precursor to that one. Plus, I can’t find the right words to say. They elude me. My heart is heavy with a lot on my mind.

Life likes to throw curveballs when you least expect it. A friend of mine recently passed away. She had just turned twenty-eight years old on July 3rd and had just celebrated her second wedding anniversary on June 29th. She had the most beautiful soul and kind heart. Her death hit me hard.

We weren’t close in recent years because life takes you other places, but we got close back in 2011 when we were roommates at nationals for 4-H Shooting Sports. Those are the memories I will always remember. Her death made me realize that life is way to short to live it after retirement. Live it now, every chance you get.

So I created a bucket list and let me tell you, it’s long. Over 200 things are on my list and I’m sure there will be more added. In all reality, I more than likely won’t cross everything off, but I’ll try my hardest to do so. My friend has started a fire in me that I can’t put out.

If there’s one thing that I can say is tomorrow is never promised. You’ll never know when your time is up. Start living now. Tell the people who mean the most to you that you love them. Spend as much time as you can with them. Create your bucket list. Start crossing items off. Live for the moment. The smallest things are the biggest things. Don’t take anything for granted.

Swimming with the Crayfish

When people think of the highest falls in Minnesota, they think High Falls of the Pigeon River at Grand Portage State Park. But, have you ever been to the highest falls that fall fully within Minnesota’s border? That waterfall is nestled within Tettegouche State Park in Silver Bay, Minnesota. That would be High Falls of the Baptism River and the water falls a total of 63 feet.

Let me tell you, this one and a half mile hike is not for the faint of heart. It’s not the hardest hike I’ve been on, but it’s also not the easiest. Especially in 86 degree dry heat. I did the hike Saturday, July 3rd and let me tell you, I had to take about three breaks along the way. But the end result, was worth it.

When I got to the falls, the water was so low that people were swimming! I wasn’t sure what to do, so I sat on a rock and contemplated. Now I learned from the previous year, always bring extra clothes whether there is rain in the forecast or not. Since I had to the change of clothes, I went swimming.

I packed my DSLR away and started into the water with my phone. Well I almost fell in with it so, I waded my way back and put it away too. As I was wading in once more, I saw something move underwater. It just abruptly stopped. Could you imagine what it was? It was a crayfish!

I wanted a picture of the crayfish, but I didn’t want to take my DSLR out in the water because, well you know, water, and I didn’t want to drop it. I did bring my GoPro though! What did I do next? If you’re thinking I waded back out and got my GoPro, you're correct! By the time I got back into the water the crayfish was gone, so I sat on a rock for a while just people watching.

As I was sitting there, the minnows would come up and start sucking on my feet. It’s hard to explain what it felt like. It wasn’t quite a tickle, but it was a strong suction for having a little mouth. It wasn’t really painful either. When I think about the experience, I think back to when I was younger and my sister and I would take wide mouth water bottles and try to suction are lips inside. Do you remember doing that as a kid?

Anyway, I am still sitting on the rock, just taking everything in and still people watching. Can you imagine what happened next? More crayfish! I’m not sure why I am so excited, but I am! They didn’t want to bite me or anything. The crayfish would see me and stop. I think they were more scared of me than anything. I feel like the crayfish were people watching too.

Don’t worry, my infatuation ended with the crayfish when I finally decided to fully get in the water. I swam around getting different images and video footage of the waterfall. I swam past where I couldn’t touch to get closer, but the video I got was really shaky. I’m still learning how to use my GoPro. There isn’t a manual, so it’s a definitely a learn by doing experience. Good thing 4-H prepared me for that.

Swimming was a great reprieve to the 86 degree heat. Yes, it was 86 and dry up in Silver Bay. But let me tell you, on the hike in, I had to stop three times. Normally when I do that I hike, I don’t have to stop. I’m hoping to get up there again this year and when I do, I am going to wear my swimsuit and Keens, or water shoes. I want to swim up to the waterfall and stand underneath it. I’ve never stood underneath a waterfall, but I’ve heard it’s amazing!

Let's Talk Honeybees!

On June 19th, I had the pleasure to photograph a couple of honeybees at Mississippi River Park in Rice, MN. I started my hike not knowing what I was going to see. I had the macro lens on my camera body and went on my way.

I started out photographing different flowers that I saw along the river, but the wind was not my friend. So when I got frustrated, I moved on. I soon came across a flower that was yellow in the middle with white pedals. As I sat down to take my images, a bee flew on and started pollinating. I had to do some investigating to figure out it was a honeybee.

I think I got about two images before it flew away and with that, I sat and waited. I waited about fifteen minutes and got a few more images. They’re fast little things. Once I knew she wasn’t going to return, I moved on. Low and behold, I found another flower, which happened to be the same kind as before, with another bee!

She didn’t hang around long either and I got less than ten images, but I will say, it was the best experience ever! So let’s talk facts about honeybees. I got all my facts from a woman I follow on TikTok, @texasbeeworks. She is a professional beekeeper out of Austin, TX. 90% of the population in a honeybee hive are female. Those females do all the work for the hive. They collect food, build the hive and even raise the baby bees.

Male honeybees are called drones. They really don’t do anything to help around the hive. Their one and only job is to mate with the queen. Drones don’t even have stingers. When winter comes, and mating season is over, the workers force them out of the hive. This happens because food is scarce and they’re just more mouths to feed. They don’t contribute to the hive during winter, so forcing them out is a way for the hive to survive. When I found this out, I was a little sad. They’re forced out of their home and left to die, but it’s the circle of life, the workers have every bees best interest at heart.

The queen has it made however. She really doesn’t do anything either, except keep the hive alive. Her one and only job is laying eggs. She even has a group of attendant bees that follow her everywhere. They clean her, feed her and they take care of all of her needs! What a life!

New Journal is Coming

You might know that I love journaling. I don’t journal everyday, I journal when something is bothering me or even when I am excited about something. I have a journal that I bought in September that says “Adventure Awaits” and I couldn’t wait to use it. The first time I did use it was when Darin and I went to Grand Marais. I use it to structure blog posts sometimes, but I mainly use it for planning adventures and documenting those adventures. It always comes with me when I go on an adventure, just in case I want to journal while in the middle of it.

However, this new journal is really exciting. It’s called a bucket journal and it has a journal for all the state parks in Minnesota. There’s other states available on their website along with many other styles of journals ranging from music to coloring books to national monuments, but I’m starting with Minnesota because I live here.

They have divided them up into five regions and color coded pages based on parks that offer camping and day use only parks. I can’t wait to get it! I know I have written about Minneopa State Park, but there will more likely be another post after I get the journal. I’m sure there will be other state parks as well that will have part two’s. Frontenac, SIbley and Blue Mounds to name a few. I was originally going to post about Frontenac today, but I couldn’t keep it in about this new journal! Adventure awaits for sure.

Minneopa State Park

Back in October, I went to Luverne, MN to see the bison at Blue Mounds State Park. But did you know, tucked down in Mankato, is Minneopa State Park and they have bison! I was so excited! I loved going to Blue Mounds and spending a weekend to see the bison and hike the trails. But there are bison closer to home that I can visit more often than I could imagine. I may even snowshoe there, when we get enough snow of course.

Minneopa State Park is a smaller park, but they have a bison drive that is open daily. When I went on November 28, they were all huddled near the front of the pen. I drove the whole length looking for them and they were right at the front of the pen. So I parked and hiked over to see them. It was a gorgeous 50 degree day and they were sunning out in the field.

I love animals of all sizes, I wish I could pet the bison, but there are plenty of signs saying bison are dangerous. So, no petting the bison. But they were really fun to look at and take pictures of. Nothing gives me more joy than seeing animals in their natural habitat. I could sit and stare at them all day.

Not only is there bison at Minneopa, but there is also an amazing waterfall on the other side. You do have to drive to waterfall side, but it’s not a far drive. It’s also not a long hike to the waterfall, but on a gorgeous day, it’s hard to find a parking spot. To get a good view of the waterfall head on, you have to cross a bridge, which will also bring you to a set of stairs that leads you to the foot of the waterfall. I did not hike down the stairs that day because I was still recovering from a concussion the week before, but I did get some good shots of the waterfall, from where I stood, and of course the bison. I definitely will be going back, to see the bison and hike down to the foot of the waterfall.

Our Loss, Heaven's Gain

Nothing can prepare you for the prospect of death. Whether it’s a family member or yourself. You can only survive in your body for so long before your time is up on this earth.

My grandfather tested positive for COVID-19 on Wednesday, October 14, 2020. The immediate family was kept up-to-date by the hospital on his treatment and outlook throughout his time, but ultimately, he did not survive. With underlying conditions, his outlook was bleak. We had hope that he would be able to beat it, but his lungs were too damaged. It was only just a matter of time.

I went back up the North Shore to finish photographing the waterfalls I needed for my first book this past weekend. It was the day I left, October 23rd, that I, and the rest of the family found out that my grandfather wouldn’t make it. My husband called to see if it would change my plans, but seeing as he was still with us, it didn’t. I needed that time in nature to reset.

The weekend, however, did not change how I felt. Whenever I feel anxious or sad about something, anything, I workout or journal. If that doesn’t help, I go hiking and being in nature normally does the trick. Nature is calming to me. Sitting, enjoying and photographing nature makes me feel at peace. For some reason, this time, nature didn’t help. I think it was the fact that he was still with us, but declining and I couldn’t do anything to change it.

Normally, when I am photographing nature, I am perfectly in control. I can look at a scene and determine with confidence what it will look like as an image. The whole weekend, I second guessed everything. I took 800 photographs Saturday alone, between two locations and three waterfalls. I would constantly move my focus point because I felt it was not quite right and every image I took, I wasn’t in love with. I have never had that happen in my life.

I am also extremely careful with my equipment. I make sure it’s stable before I start doing anything else. Well, this weekend was time for a lot of firsts. For the first time ever, I did not make sure my tripod was secure and it toppled over. The result? I broke my lens. The things I could control, I ended up not having any control over. My mental equilibrium was off.

The last time I had seen my grandfather was March 21st, 2020. I had wanted to see him over the summer, but my husband and I bought a house and we needed to get moved in and settled. I was also hiking every chance I got and working on my photography. I wish I could’ve seen him just one last time. And now it’s too late. I won’t get that chance.

I wanted my grandfather to survive. I hoped and prayed that he would, but ultimately God had other plans. I am still trying to process everything that has happened over the last two and a half weeks and I am just not doing well. We lost a great man on earth, while heaven gained one. One thing that gives me comfort is that he is reunited with my grandmother once again. But my world is a little less bright without him.

Photography and Me

Ever since I was a little tyke, I have always had a camera in my hand. I may be young, but I am old enough to have owned a film camera. It wasn’t a fancy SLR camera (or single lens reflex), it was your standard film camera. I bought my film, or should I say my parents bought my film and we had it developed, again, my parents paid for that. I would have loved to have an SLR camera and a dark room so I could roll and develop my own film. However, it was just something fun for me to do and occupy my time when travelling.

My sister and I would always travel with my grandparents. On long trips, short trips, staying at their house for a week. I always had my camera. I think that’s where my love of travelling came from. One year, my grandparents, sister and I were on the west coast one month and the east coast the next month. June of 2006 we were in Oregon and July of 2006, we helped move my cousin from Georgia to South Carolina. Again, I always had my camera and believe it or not, I still have those pictures somewhere. Let me tell you, I had some interesting techniques.

Like I said, I love travelling. I have been to Europe, the Caribbean (on a cruise) and Alaska/Canada (once again, on a cruise). My last big trip was to Alaska. However, I have done mini trips around Minnesota, most of them happening this year, in 2020. My most recent trip was with my husband to Grand Marais. Well north of Grand Marais by forty minutes.

We stayed at a place called Nor’Wester Lodge and we were literally off the grid. Neither of us had cellphone service. At first I was freaking out because I didn’t know how we were going to let anyone know that we had made it safely. But it also forced us to stay out and continue exploring the North Shore of Minnesota. As a result, we were able to see fourteen waterfalls at seven locations. There are technically five more locations that I need before I can start working on my book. One of the locations will be it’s own book because the bridge is out and you have to forge the river and I am not doing that. I can wait to do that one until the bridge is completed. So the cascades at Split Rock Lighthouse State Park will have to wait.

My coworker also told me that I should take pictures of the waterfalls through all the seasons and put them in the book. I loved that idea and I want to take pictures of the waterfalls during every season. So I thought, what if I created four separate books for the four separate seasons of the waterfalls. That way, they all have their only glory during a very different aspect of the year.

I have a niche when it comes to waterfalls. I love making the water look soft and when I say soft, the water looks blurry and sometimes almost painted. Or as a friend of mine said, the water looks like silk. I’m not sure how else to explain it. Everything around the waterfall is crisp and in focus and the waterfall itself is blurry, but doesn’t look blurry, if that makes sense. How I get this effect is by using neutral density filters on my camera lens that helps slow down my shutter speed. The longer the shutter speed, the more the effect will show. Sometimes you can cause too much blur. There is a fine line when it comes to this type of photography, but when done right it’s amazing.

Below I have added photos that will more than likely be featured in my book of the North Shore waterfalls. There are also pictures that can be viewed under the waterfalls tabs on website. The book may take a while to put together and produce, but I am hoping it will be worth it in the end.

Etched in Stone

“Beside a withering flower is a bud about to bloom. Many seeds remain after a flower dies. How similar to a flower is life.” - Hoshino Tomihiro

I went to Blue Mounds State Park over the first weekend in October and saw this saying inscribed in a rock. The first thing I thought of was this caterpillar on the Saturday that I was there and was going to talk about that originally. But my mind kept going back to my friend.

I have a friend that lost his fiancé on October 8, 2016. I don’t know a lot about her, but from what he’s told me and what I’ve seen on Facebook, she had an astounding love for life. She was the sunshine that would break any cloudy day.

Her smile looked infectious. She loved camping and kayaking. From the looks of it, she wasn’t afraid of anything. She took on a mom role for his kids and did amazingly well because of this post I saw on Facebook, her love for music transferred to his daughter.

Now to explain why the quote is fitting. She not only planted a seed in everyone she met, but she also donated her body to science to do further research on organ transplant patients. That was the big seed she planted that will continue to grow as more research is done. That is her flower.

I think we all could strive to be more like her. Love the life that we have for as long as we have. Not be afraid to try new things. And as the sun rises and sun sets each day to know that whatever happened that day, good or bad, was meant to happen for a reason. Life is too short to not live outside your comfort zone. Live your life the way you want and don’t let anything change that idea.

Appreciate The Little Things

Have you ever walked down a trail? Paved or hiking, it doesn’t matter. What do you see? You more than likely only seeing the big picture directly in front of you. You see trees, leaves, rocks, and the list goes on and on. But have you ever noticed the small, itty bitty flowers on the side of the trail? That’s exactly what I look for, the hidden gems.

I love to bring those flowers or whatever small object I see to life. It doesn’t have to be flowers, but that tends to be the objects I find. I bring them to life through my macro lens. Trust me, it isn’t easy. I don’t use auto focus, I am actually bending down or laying on the ground and moving back and forth until I get the perfect shot, or my definition of perfect.

We live in a society that thrives on material things. Things that we can hold or wear, we forget the little things that happen in our life because we are so consumed by the material things. Have you ever compared your life to someone by the things you had? I will admit, I have because it’s so easy to do. Life shouldn’t be about that. Life should be about finding the little things and making them the big things. Material things are just things.

I have a sign that I bought back in June from a little shop in Taylors Falls that says, “Enjoy the little things, for one day, you may look back and realize they were the big things”. I bought the sign because my favorite thing to do is find the littlest of objects while hiking and make them the star. So I urge you. The next time you’re walking, or even hiking, look for the little things and appreciate them. Life is too short not to.

Teaching Moments

If 2020 has taught me anything, it’s taught me to live. For the last five and a half years, I lived the same life, doing the same things, creating a routine that fit and worked for me. I received my photography degree in December of 2018 and only got out to take pictures when I went hunting. 2020 has changed that thinking and that’s why I’m starting “Finding Nature’s Beauty”.

On March 20, I was officially laid off from my job due to the pandemic that we are facing today. At first I was excited to have a few weeks off, thinking that it would only be a few weeks, but that few turned into seven. Many people tell me that I got to enjoy unemployment benefits while I was laid off and you know what I did, but it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. My mental health took a nose dive. I started drinking at least three cocktails a night just to get through the craziness of my quarantine. And when I say quarantine, I was literally quarantined for seven weeks because I worked as a PCA. I couldn’t see my family, which was the biggest struggle of all.

I finally returned to work as a Massage Therapist on May 11th and things still weren’t getting better. I was getting into my own head and worrying about my life, my past, my everything. Then on Memorial Day Weekend, I found the North Shore. Yes, I’ve known about the North Shore and have been there before as a child, but the North Shore during a pandemic, with everything shut down, is something else entirely.

Have you ever been to Leif Erikson Park on London Road in Duluth and looked at every stone? Have you been across the Aerial Lift Bridge and just sat on the beach and watched the water? Have you ever been to Two Harbors and explored downtown? I hadn’t either. When you go to North Shore, you want to hit the shops and explore Canal Park and watch the ships come in. Trust me, I do too because there’s sentimental value in watching the ships for me. But, there is so much more to discover. Follow “Finding Nature’s Beauty” for more discoveries with me. It won’t always be the North Shore, but it will be a fun adventure for all.